Tuesday, 5 November 2019

Helping Someone Out of a Tough Spot




It’s easy to fall into a tough spot from time to time, no matter how you define that in your life. Perhaps you’ll get into slight financial trouble when an investment in a friend’s business goes wrong, or maybe you’ll fall into ennui and lethargy following a very sad life incident, or maybe you’ll simply need words of encouragement after losing out on your dream job opportunity.

Life is unpredictable, and this is what helps it become so appealing while also so worrying, depending on how things progress. Helping someone out of a tough spot can be an important thing to consider should you see a friend going through it, as we can all empathize with this. However, even the most attentive and intelligent friends can be at a loss as to how involved to become, or what kind of assistance to offer. For example, someone still sitting in their living room, not working, eating ice cream in their pyjamas one year on from losing a romantic relationship may not be helped through enabling this activity.

In the following advice, we hope to help you skirt this line effectively:

Offer A Listening Ear

Offering a listening ear to the right person, at the right place, at the right time, can be one of the most powerful things you could ever do. We all have a need to be understood at some level, and a lack of this can cause people to think that they are inferior or somehow completely misguided. It’s instructive to see what can happen to an addict who is able to admit all of the trauma they may have experienced in early life, or to go through their fears step by step with a psychiatrist or therapist. 

Of course, you needn’t go to such heavy topics or even offer advice to help them out here. As a friend or relative, sometimes simply being there to listen to them, even if that’s just a light conversation in a coffee shop on a rainy day, can be very important.

Help Them Through A Certain Process

It can be that you’re willing to help them through something they need assistance for, to enable them to go through that journey with someone beside them For example, it might be that your friend is in need of restorative surgery, aand you are more than willing to drive them to the hospital, to stay by their side while they’re in recovery, and to help them manage their finances or grocery shop and cook for them as they come home and try to repair.

Sometimes it’s not about being there sporadically, but helping someone through an entire process. You would be surprised just how appreciated this can be, from morning to night. Perhaps one day they too will treat you with the same respect and willingness to help.

If You Trust Them, Show It (If You Can & Are Willing)

It might be that they are in need of a little extra help in order to get their affairs straight. For example, it might be that now they have secured a well-paying job and are getting back on their feet, lending them money or being the Buddy Loans guarantor until their first paycheck comes in can help them stay above water for a little bit of time. 

Of course, going out of your way like this can demand plenty of trust on your part, and it’s never wise to make any rash decision lightly. However, if you see your friend making a real concerted effort to help themselves, you believe in them, and you know that they will not let you down, then this can be the ultra lifting measure that helps them out truly, and they will often not let you forget it.

But it’s not all about helping someone financially. It might simply be that your friend has yet to open up about their divorce as it’s been so rough on them emotionally, and helping them once again set up an online dating profile years later, trusting them to get back into the swing of things without their prior worrisome statements about the folly of love can be important. Every situation is different, so while our pointed examples may not represent your social scenario exactly, the spirit of our advice remains the same.

Give Them Space

It is possible to be too much of a good friend. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is to help them gain their own space, even if only for a week. For example, it might be that after a long time, your friend is finally starting to mourn relating to the loss of a close relative. It might have taken months to get to that point. Despite your amazing efforts at talking to them, encouraging them to speak to a professonal, and letting them spend time at your place, now you know that once the boundaries are broken, they can heal emotionally in peace.

Of course, do not simply withdraw. But telling your friend, at the opportune time, that you respect their space without being offended, you may provide the final effort they need to overcome their grief and feel better on their own. You provide the support structure, not the construction, we mean to say.

Tough Love Is Sometimes Needed

Unfortunately, tough love is sometimes an essential and quite helpful thing to give. You cannot apply it in all situations. For example, it might be that five years after a divorce, your friend is still down in the dumps and unable to function during the day, acting in a self-destructive manner and chasing off everyone who is near him. It might be that having a frank discussion about how you care for him, about how everyone is worried and also irritated with him can help him gain the wake up call he needs. There’s no need to be cruel. But there’s also no shame in communicating firmly.

With this advice, I  hope you can help someone out of a tough spot well, with all the variety and complexity that entails.


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